I recently had the occasion to contemplate forgiveness. I bumped into the complexity of it while struggling with an old issue between me and my adult son. Curiously at the same time, a deep, old shame of my own kept floating to the surface. I found it odd that this 30-year-old memory would come to haunt me at this time in my life. Thinking about it, and wondering about the significance of the shame memory, it occurred to me like all the highway lights blinking into view one at a time, the dots connected and there it was – my inability to forgive myself. If I can’t forgive myself how can I extend that type of compassion to another? If […]
In Gary Chapman’s, New York Times bestseller The 5 Love Languages: the Secret to Love that Lasts, he explores the different ways couples communicate their positive feelings for each other. He rightly argues that knowing your own and your partner’s preferred way of communicating love significantly improves your relationship’s chance of survival. Can you recognize yourself among these five approaches? Remember, while we probably use a bit of all, there is usually one approach, one language that is dominant: Do you let your partner know you care through affection or physical touch or do you tend to show your appreciation and care through gift giving? Some of us do so by offering service or taking care of; some of us through […]
The My Daily Dose project on this site, or here on Instagram, is really all about looking everyday, for what makes me grateful, for what keeps me healthy, for what is beautiful in the world. I choose to do this because I want to be able to get through life without anxiety or depression at best, and without the need for medication for these afflictions at worst. And I am so very fortunate that it works for me. How I understand what I am doing is this: I am intentionally looking for something to be grateful for, and then reporting – whether to you, the world, or myself. Doing the work of looking – actually keeps me in the moment. Whether looking […]
Sue Johnson’s Hold Me Tight is the road map we use in couple’s therapy to help you get back to the couple you want to be. I ask all my couples to read this before we start on our work together. Learn what you are really saying when you get stuck in your familiar patterns and learn how to hear it from your partner.