Hello dear reader. I have been struggling with writing for the last little while, it’s been a bit of a tough year. As many of you know, I underwent a major renovation in my home this spring and summer. It’s not nothing; and while I very much acknowledge the privilege of being able to undertake such a thing, the whole process beat the hell out of me.
Now that it’s all said and done I find myself struggling to own it, to inhabit it (and to recover from it, but that’s for another blog!).
I recently had a session with a client who has been with me since I started my practice. I know her. She’s grown up and out of a very challenging childhood to become a strong, smart, resilient woman. I’m so very honoured to have watched her grow over the years. She recently bought a new home. Her first and quite an improvement from where she has been living these last 20 years. I was so excited for her! I could really identify! She came in for her monthly visit and I was eager to hear how she was settling in … and she wasn’t.
She talked about being ambivalent. About her surroundings being somewhat foreign to her. We started to share our experiences – her home, my reno…. we had a lot in common.
If no one has ever expressed that you deserve something nice, you will have a challenge in accepting something nice for yourself. Going further with this – if you’ve been told you weren’t smart, and you end up succeeding because you are in fact smart, chances are you may feel like an imposter. I am wondering if this is at the root of imposter syndrome altogether. If you’ve been told you will never amount to much and yet you work hard and succeed, you may feel like something is off, not quite right, you may feel guilty, again – you may feel like an imposter. This success was a fluke, not meant for you.
This is in fact what it feels like to not live a narrative that was handed to you, that was written by someone else. You read that correctly. Your discomfort when you DO NOT act according to a narrative that was handed to you (have nothing, be a failure), will make you feel uncomfortable, unsure, ambivalent, maybe angry, maybe guilty.
We need to learn to write our own narratives, to recognize when we have been handed a story about ourselves that was based on someone else’s experience of themselves. Once we create a new narrative for ourselves, we need to honour it. We need to examine our ambivalence as it pertains to us, to challenge it, to lean into the discomfort so we can dust off the cobwebs of old stories and keep making room for our own.
We all deserve what we strive for. We all deserve to honour our hearts, our wishes and our minds. We all have the strength and capacity to create new narratives that will help us thrive. Let your voice be the right voice, let it be the supporting voice, let it be the loving voice.
Peace to you.