May 31, 2018

The Shape of Grief

As some of you may know, I lost my father at the end of April. He had spent the last 18 years (!) in residential care, with the last 5 in long term care. What I can tell you about that is that it’s just plain awful. And seeing as how it was clear my father was never going to get better, his end came with a certain relief. I have had a challenging relationship with my father. I have understood him as a narcissist. How I see that is that he was a bon vivant, loved to have people around him and was fed by that, but never gave back emotionally in a way that would keep a relationship […]
May 28, 2018

The Hard Work of Couple Life ..

Sometimes couple life can get downright hard and ugly. We can spiral down to a place it seems we will never get out of. We find ourselves angry, hurt, and disconnected and it’s lonely. Partners in a distressed couple sometimes describe how they walk on eggshells. When doing so, I am not bringing my full self to the relationship, out of fear. So I hold back in an attempt to manage or maybe even control your behavior. But that never feels good or right, and it never provides satisfactory results in the long term. When we work harder at trying to mitigate a partner’s behavior rather than our own, we know we are in trouble. Some of us use shaming […]
May 7, 2018

The New Dating Game…

It’s an understatement to say that much has changed in one generation. There are memes going around on social media showing how my generation played differently – outside, without much supervision, drinking from hoses, romping around till the park lights came on – the sign we needed to go home for dinner. We were safe because we were in numbers, with the other neighborhood kids. Many of us went to Sunday school, or Brownies, or Girl Guides, Boy Scouts, Church, played Little League Baseball, and the list goes on. It’s in those places we did the big job of learning how to meet, engage, and get connected with each other. As we got older, we met people in school, at […]