February 27, 2018

Expanding our view of Depression

This post comes on the heels of reading Johann Hari’s brilliant book “Lost Connections: Uncovering the real causes of depression – and the unexpected solutions“.  Hari, J. (2018). Lost Connections: Uncovering the real causes of depression – and the unexpected solutions. London, Bloomsbury. Here’s a link to it at Amazon.ca   And here’s the link if you use Chapters/Indigio. In the book Hari delves into the many causes of depression – veering away from the medical/pharmaceutical model, and into, finally (for me), a much more systemic model. He posits nine causes of depression and anxiety – all around the axis of disconnection: Disconnection from meaningful work, other people, meaningful values, childhood trauma, status and respect, the natural world, a hopeful and secure […]
February 20, 2018

Opposites attract .. right?

There’s a lot of truth in the old idiom that opposites attract.  Back in the day, there were huge evolutionary advantages to having a partner with skills that you didn’t have. This way we covered all the bases in our project of surviving.  But if opposites really do attract, why do so many couples, spend so much time, trying to make the other think/feel/act more like themselves? I often meet couples (and can reflect on my own experience too!!) who like to  complain that their partner “just doesn’t do it the way I want it done” or “why can’t they make a decision the way that I do?”  When couples argue they often say “I just don’t see it the […]
February 14, 2018

Sandboxes and stones

Often in my work, as many therapists do, I use metaphor to help clients access and articulate emotions that otherwise they could not express. Recently, I came across one that I found moving – it was the metaphor of a sandbox, and how a partner, the boy, could not get in to the same sandbox with the girl – who was sadly, instead, throwing stones and keeping him out. I found that powerful. It spoke to me of child-like longing for connection (on both sides!). It spoke to me of loneliness – I saw this boy wanting to play, wanting to join his love in the sandbox – but being prevented from doing so out of a need to protect […]